Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 19

People increase their use of the term 'sir' when their angry. Little do they know, it only causes me to feel more like I'm wearing a top hat.

Comedy is rarely funny.

You know you've lived in LA to long when what you fear most about prison is a lack of organic produce.

Anticipation almost always exceeds the reality of that which we anticipated.

I can always tell when a girl comes from a good family because she's what's known as "not at all attracted to me".

Domestic abuse is wrong, but domestic retribution is okay.

America is a hot chick with a bad personality. Take her seriously and you'll end up hating yourself.

I've never understood why anybody makes a big deal about mansions. It's just a house with more rooms. You still have to face yourself.

No one understands the way I feel about things I don't understand.

Saying, "have a great work-out" is like saying, "I hope you pull something".

Just saw a woman with a t-shirt that said "southern and sassy, it's all good". Well madame, I beg to differ, it is in fact, not 'all good'.

I think you have a lot to offer... not necessarily as a person, but as an organ donor.

I'm told anal sex is like Mariachi music. It hurts at first, but you get used to it, ultimately maybe even throw on a large hat and enjoy it.

People that say I have a 'fear of commitment' don't understand my relationship with popcorn.

I'd spend more time with you if you were less like you.