Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 19
Anticipation almost always exceeds the reality of that which we anticipated.
People increase their use of the term 'sir' when their angry. Little do they know, it only causes me to feel more like I'm wearing a top hat.
If I ever move in with a woman, she'll have to be really comfortable with unhappiness.
Saying, "have a great work-out" is like saying, "I hope you pull something".
I'm told anal sex is like Mariachi music. It hurts at first, but you get used to it, ultimately maybe even throw on a large hat and enjoy it.
I think you have a lot to offer... not necessarily as a person, but as an organ donor.
Guys don't use the word "pretty" enough. Like, "hey Mike, did you get that shirt at the game? Looks really pretty on you".
No one understands the way I feel about things I don't understand.
America is a hot chick with a bad personality. Take her seriously and you'll end up hating yourself.
Just saw a woman with a t-shirt that said "southern and sassy, it's all good". Well madame, I beg to differ, it is in fact, not 'all good'.
I like shitty strip clubs. They look like what they are. I know what to expect. Unlike Congress, at least we know everybody is for sale.
I like Irish pubs, except for all the loud music and drinking, and people acting like idiots.