Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 19
People increase their use of the term 'sir' when their angry. Little do they know, it only causes me to feel more like I'm wearing a top hat.
You know you've lived in LA to long when what you fear most about prison is a lack of organic produce.
If I ever move in with a woman, she'll have to be really comfortable with unhappiness.
I think you have a lot to offer... not necessarily as a person, but as an organ donor.
Guys don't use the word "pretty" enough. Like, "hey Mike, did you get that shirt at the game? Looks really pretty on you".
America is a hot chick with a bad personality. Take her seriously and you'll end up hating yourself.
Saying, "have a great work-out" is like saying, "I hope you pull something".
No one understands the way I feel about things I don't understand.
Just saw a woman with a t-shirt that said "southern and sassy, it's all good". Well madame, I beg to differ, it is in fact, not 'all good'.
I'm told anal sex is like Mariachi music. It hurts at first, but you get used to it, ultimately maybe even throw on a large hat and enjoy it.
I like shitty strip clubs. They look like what they are. I know what to expect. Unlike Congress, at least we know everybody is for sale.
Sex sells, unless you're dehydrated in which case you'd be much more likely to purchase water.