Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 5
If you're an adult and still think material wealth leads to happiness, might I suggest not being a moron.
Going to get a dog and name him, "I don't want to live anymore", then walk around calling him.
Nothing good about the sun if you're trying to watch television with out curtains.
I'd like to expand the definition of the word 'success' to include 'failure' as the one seems inseparable from the other.
Was thinking of taking a yoga class, then realized I wasn't gay. Whew. Close one.
I would imagine that most of the people who consider themselves successful aren't, at least in the ways that really matter-myself included.
You have the attention span of a large bug, and yet I don't feel good enough about myself to not date you.
Drugs in a disco are great for white people because it allows them to feel more Puerto Rican while dancing.
Many television weather-women were one abusive parent away from prostitution.
I've decided to retreat to the spirit world where I feel appreciated and understood.
"Yo, yo, hear me out" is rarely ever followed by a reasonable, well articulated argument.
The great thing about having a small family is that there are fewer people to disappoint.
We should create a holiday that celebrates money for what it is, essentially worthless paper, upon which we agree to pretend it has value.