Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 6
Living one's life with unguarded vulnerability is one of the keys to happiness. It's also one of the keys to getting mugged.
You can't assume the best about people. If I get a girl home and she takes her pants off, and it looks like she's got herpes, I can't afford to assume she got stung by a pack of bees.
Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.
Going to get a dog and name him, "I don't want to live anymore", then walk around calling him.
Animals look at people the way people look at people that might mug them.
I wonder if anybody ever decided to commit suicide, then thought; "but first I'm going to stop by that taco place I like so much".
I've decided to aim a telescope at my neighbour's window. It's the closest I'll ever come to living with someone comfortably.
Canadians are like Americans, just less racist, violent, and ignorant.
I have emotional needs that I didn't know I had, and I have physical needs that I didn't know weren't really needs.
People who say "life is precious" don't spend much time on line at the airport.
The vagina is like a hot dog, if I really know what’s in it, I can’t eat it. I’m kidding, I can eat it, but it’s weird.
When maintaining a relationship means diminishing your self, it's time to walk.
A lot of people wouldn't feel miserable in this environment. A lot of people aren't dating my girlfriend.
The good things in life are free, except for health care, and electricity.