Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 8
If love were a drug people would be like, "Yo… stay away from that shit."
In the land of the blind, the one eyed man tends to get away with date rape more often. Also shoplifting and cheating at monopoly.
Dating is great unless you don't like horrible awkwardness, lying, and a deep foreboding sense of disappointment that never goes away.
Coming to terms with my feelings of worthlessness isn't always a bad time, but it's rarely a good one.
I consider myself a patriot, but not for the traditional reasons. I'm just really passionate about apple pie.
This dude walks up to me wearing a cape - he was wearing a cape - and he just said, 'Dude, do you know what time it is?' I was like, 'You're just gonna ask me that like you're not wearing a cape? It's time to take off that dumbass cape.'
Man's inhumanity toward man is astounding, and I'm just talking about the lineup at certain comedy clubs.
Learn to think for yourself, unless of course you can identify someone else with better judgement, and a flashlight.
The next actor I meet that uses the term 'courageous' to describe another actor's performance is getting punched in the face.
Ladies, you can do porn, or you can be someone who isn't summarily dismissed as a psychopath, but you can't do both.
Is it a bad sign when you see the person you're dating and get the same feeling as if you just saw police lights in you're rear view mirror?
If I were a gynecologist, I'd say things like, "Okay, enough of the small talk. Let's check under the hood".
Housewife porn is the only morally appropriate kind, because they're all in healthy, committed relationships.
Using profanity is an indicator that you lack class, or feel strongly about being something, and want to get your fuckin' point across.