Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 9
Using profanity is an indicator that you lack class, or feel strongly about being something, and want to get your fuckin' point across.
Living by the beach means feeling guilty about never going to the beach.
Comedy is a cruel mistress, especially if you're already seeing a really cruel mistress.
Anyone who says "I would never hit a woman" hasn't met my x girlfriend.
Being proud of your nationality is like congratulating yourself for inheriting money.
I'd put my faith in god, but I haven't met him, and I've been hurt before.
I didn't know you could name a Puerto Rican 'Israel' 'cause I'm pretty sure you'll never meet a Jew named 'Puerto Rico.'
Some people say "don't use your personal life for comedic fodder". These people may be right, but I have no other life to use so fuck em.
Is it cynical to assume that anyone smiling is a liar and a criminal?
Life is fragile, unless your in the NFL in which case you'll need to wear padding.
I hate to see a woman cry, unless of course I'm crying first in which case I feel it's appropriate.
Comedy has been my way to reconcile with the world. I didn’t really set out to do this, but comedy has served as my outlet to address my issues I have with this crazy world.