Quotes & Jokes by George Carlin / page 12
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam.
We will never be an advanced civilization as long as rain showers can delay the launching of a space rocket.
Where ideas are concerned, America can be counted on doing one of two things: take a good idea and run it completely into the ground, or take a bad idea and run it completely into the ground.
The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other going in opposite directions.
A lot of these people who keep a gun at home for safety are the same ones who refuse to wear a seat belt.
When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn’t a lot worth paying attention to.
Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain.
So I want to thank the Pentagon, the Soviet Union and the military-industrial complex from the bottom of my heart. Without them, I could never have become the man I am today.
Who decides when the applause should die down? It seems like it's a group decision; everyone begins to say to themselves at the same time, "Well, okay, that's enough of that."