Quotes & Jokes by George Carlin / page 16
Sore loser? You bet your fucking ass! What on earth is wrong with being a sore loser? It shows you cared about whatever the contest was in the first place. Fuck losing graciously - that's for chumps. And losers, by the way.
Instead of school busing and prayer in schools, which are both controversial, why not a joint solution? Prayer in buses. Just drive these kids around all day and let them pray their fuckng empty little heads off.
Irony deals with opposites; it has nothing to do with coincidence.
Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.
When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn’t a lot worth paying attention to.
Don't give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.
Do you know the nicest thing about looking at pictures of a 1950’s baseball park? The only people wearing baseball caps are the players.
I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.