Quotes & Jokes by George Carlin / page 22
I went through the usual stages: imp, rascal, scalawag, whippersnapper. And, of course, after that it's just a small step to full-blown sociopath.
If a painting can be forged well enough to fool experts, why is the original so valuable?
Who would have thought that the manufacturing of sticks would be outsourced to China?
Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.
Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.
People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
I am a personal optimist but a skeptic about all else. What may sound to some like anger is really nothing more than sympathetic contempt. I view my species with a combination of wonder and pity, and I root for its destruction. And please don't confuse my point of view with cynicism; the real cynics are the ones who tell you everything's gonna be all right.
If a piece requires some specific inflection, I'll record it. I take a lot of notes, and later categorize them, combining them alongside existing ideas, and eventually put a piece together.