Quotes & Jokes by George Carlin / page 30
I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.
They don't want an educated populace capable of critical thought, sitting around the kitchen table realizing how badly they're getting fucked!
I often warn people: somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, "There is no "I" in team." What you should tell them is, "Maybe not. But there is an "I" in independence, individuality and integrity."
I figured out years ago that the human species is totally fucked and has been for a long time. I also know that the sick, media-consumer culture in America continues to make this so-called problem worse. But the trick, folks, is not to give a fuck. Like me. I really don't care. I stopped worrying about all this temporal bullshit a long time ago. It's meaningless.
Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who would be willing to test any drug they could come up with.
We now buy watches primarily for their looks, price, or additional functions. The fact that they tell time seems lost.
I was what they call a “fussy eater.” ‘He’s fussy! He’s a fussy eater!’ “Fussy eater” is a euphemism for “Big pain in the ass.”
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
People can't seem to get it through their heads that there is never any healing or closure. Ever. There is only a short pause before the next "horrifying" event. People forget there is such a thing as memory, and that when a wound "heals" it leaves a permanent scar that never goes away, but merely fades a little. What really ought to be said after one of these so-called tragedies is, "Let the scarring begin."
One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you’re too tired.