Quotes & Jokes by Henny Youngman / page 11
Those bellhops in Miami are tip-happy. I ordered a deck of playing cards and the bellboy made fifty-two trips to my room.
She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate.
A man goes to a barbershop and asks, "How many ahead of me?" "Five." The man leaves. He comes back the next day and asks, "How many ahead of me?" "Four." The man leaves. He comes back the next day and asks, "How many ahead of me?" "Six." The man leaves, and the barber says to another, "Follow that man!" The man comes back and says, "He goes to your house!"
A Polish man in a helicopter. Goes up to 800 feet. Down it comes! What happened? "It got chilly up there, so I turned off the fan!"
A little man is running a jewelry store. A man runs in saying, "Okay, take my watch, put on a new band, install a new battery, clean the case, install a new crystal, and tune it up. I will be back in a half hour for it. Thanks!" and runs out the door. The little jeweler says, "C-C-C-Come in?"
A car hit a Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The man says, "I make a good living."
So I said, "Where do you want to go for your anniversary?" She said: "I want to go somewhere I've never been before." I said, "Try the kitchen."
Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, "Crick".
I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
A Polish man bought a zebra for a pet. What does he call the zebra? Spot!