Quotes & Jokes by Joan Rivers / page 4
I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.
Victoria Beckham is so nasty, why doesn't she just go home?! Her dresses are beautiful, but I don't care what she does. She's mean to all the people around her. She's too short to be a diva. We all use the same hairdressers, make-up artists, limo-drivers and greeters at the airports in LA and nobody has anything nice to say about her. They say she's rude. She can't always just be having a bad day.
I said to my husband, "Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?" He said, "I don't want to wake you up."
I was so ugly that they sent my picture to Ripley's 'Believe It or Not' and he sent it back and said, 'I don't believe it.'
I've always hate child stars, starting from way back when, when I was a child. The first child star I saw was Shirley Temple. She was six years old, two foot six and the biggest star in Hollywood. She wore ribbons in her hair, and frilly little pinafores and shiny patent-leather tap shoes - just like the boys in Glee do.
If you're saying the same line 10 times and making it look like you just came up with it, that's acting.
Never be afraid to laugh at yourself, after all, you could be missing out on the joke of the century.
I was the last girl in Larchmont, NY to get married. My mother had a sign up: "Last Girl Before Freeway."
Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too.
Don't talk to me about Valentines Day. At my age an affair of the heart is a bypass!
I love gay and lesbian parents. But I think we need a law that says lesbians and gay men have to raise their children together. This way, the kids would not only know how to build bookshelves, but they'd also instinctively know how to decorate them.
I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive.