Quotes & Jokes by Joan Rivers / page 5
I tried to contact Johnny to reconcile our friendship, a million times, but he just wasn't having it. When he passed away, I felt such a crushing blow, that things were still unresolved. Johnny was a dear friend, I wish things would've ended different, this just was not worth it.
I was the last girl in Larchmont, NY to get married. My mother had a sign up: "Last Girl Before Freeway."
Does fashion matter? Always - though not quite as much after death.
I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive.
Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.
I said to my husband, "Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?" He said, "I don't want to wake you up."
I'm not saying she's easy, but she's been in so many motel rooms her nickname is 'Gideon.'
All I can think of are her poor parents. The shame, the shame of the Hilton family. To have your daughter do a porno film… in a Marriott hotel.
If he's stuck with the shrew, I hope he screws everything that's not tied down.
Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
For as one star another far exceeds, so souls in heaven are placed by their deeds.
Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.