Quotes & Jokes by Phyllis Diller / page 7
When I was a kid and we used to play Post Office, I was the Dead Letter Office.
When I go to the dentist, he's the one that has to have the anesthetic.
My mother-in-law buys her coats in a carper shop. She wears a 9x12.
Fang is so dumb. When he won his letter for high school the coach had to read it to him.
I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, "What do you have in lingerie?" She says, "More than you’ll ever have!"
My sister-in-law is so skinny that she has a striped dress with only one stripe.
Fang drops so much food on his ties we keep them in the refrigerator.
When I go to bed at night, I've got so much grease on my body I wear snow chains to hold up my nightgown.
Actually, I comb my hair quite often. Of course, I use an electric toothbrush.
I have nothing against dogs. I just hate rugs that go squish-squish.
Fang's breath is so bad the dentist works on him through his ears.