Quotes & Jokes by Red Buttons / page 8
Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
King Soloman, who said to his thousand wives, "Who hasn't got a headache?" Never got a dinner!
Dean Martin’s pancreas, who overheard his liver singing "I got a right to sing the blues." Never got a dinner!
Adam, who said to George Burns, "Dad, can I have my allowance?" Never got a dinner!
Michelangelo’s girlfriend, who said to Angelo, "Forget the paint – let’s put a mirror on the ceiling." Never got a dinner!
Jacques Cousteau, the last man to see Jimmy Hoffa. Never got a dinner!
Venus de Milo’s mother, who once said to Venus, "You never call me. Can’t you pick up a phone?" Never got a dinner!
Elizabeth Taylor has a big heart. She recently built a halfway house for girls who don't want to go all the way.
Zsa Zsa Gabor, the only woman ever to apply for group alimony. Never got a dinner!
John Wilkes Booth, who said, "Sorry, I thought he was a critic." Never got a dinner!
Dracula, who said while they drove a wooden stake into his heart, "Boy, I sure hope this is heartburn." Never got a dinner!
Gary Hart, who said, "She didn't sit on my yacht; she sat on my dinghy!" Never got a dinner!
Orville Wright, who said to his brother Will, "We're only in the air twelve seconds; how the hell did our luggage get to Cleveland?" Never got a dinner!