Quotes & Jokes by Richard Lewis / page 13

I love life! One day maybe it'll be my own.

If you have to work at feeling lust towards your significant other maybe it is time to get a day job.

I couldn't sleep as usual so I finally decided to close my eyes and it worked for a while. How come I never knew this technique?

I've always been a hypochondriac. As a little boy, I'd eat my M & M's one by one with a glass of water.

Don't expect life to care about your expectations, just boast about the failures.

I pray that I have my afterlife before I die.

My relatives all put in chips in their TV's to block my appearances.

I think; therefore I worry.

I live each day like it is someone else's last so I have a better shot at joy.

I enjoy life as long as it is not my own.

If history repeats itself I'm hopeful that I can get out of it with a note from my shrink.

To be as transparent and fearless as I can here are some answers. No. No. Of course. Never. Won't happen. ASAP. I'm too afraid.

My wife loves me for what I could've been.

To be safe I strive for imperfection.

Given human nature, as far as I'm concerned, I think each of us should have a legal option before we are forced to be included in mankind.