Quotes & Jokes by Richard Lewis / page 13

What’s a Jewish mobster? I’m going to break the legs of your therapist.

To be as transparent and fearless as I can here are some answers. No. No. Of course. Never. Won't happen. ASAP. I'm too afraid.

I think; therefore I worry.

Don't expect life to care about your expectations, just boast about the failures.

If history repeats itself I'm hopeful that I can get out of it with a note from my shrink.

During her pregnancy my mother referred to me as a "wreck-in-progress."

My wife loves me for what I could've been.

I love life! One day maybe it'll be my own.

I enjoy life as long as it is not my own.

For my sake I hope this is the first day of somebody else's life.

I couldn't sleep as usual so I finally decided to close my eyes and it worked for a while. How come I never knew this technique?

I pray that I have my afterlife before I die.

To be safe I strive for imperfection.

Given human nature, as far as I'm concerned, I think each of us should have a legal option before we are forced to be included in mankind.

The greatest three seconds in my life was when I fell in love.