Quotes & Jokes by Richard Lewis / page 16

If I have an orgasm, I feel that I have to give six weeks of community service to various charities.

I blew off meditation for worrying and found myself.

I'm best in bed sexually when I'm alone and especially during a quake.

My mother sadly claimed, that my birth was just a coincidence.

Crap, I have a new obsession... I second-guess other people.

I try to live in the moment but other people ruin it.

If you feel comfortable in your own skin it's not yours.

My nightmares have coming attractions.

I can't be in two places at one time unless I'm alone.

I wrote my nightmares out this afternoon so I can get a good night's sleep tonight.

Dealing with joy sometimes is more difficult than overcoming adversity if you enjoy self-loathng as a hobby.

My mother calls at five-thirty in the morning. I'm not a dairy farm. I don't like phone calls before six in the morning.

I don't like horror movies because I'm squeamish. But I go because my ex's like to go. They like to pull for the antichrist.

She was wacko. She was an only child, but she still had a sibling rivalry.

If I keep all my disorders to a minimum every day then by about 2053 I should have a handle on practically nothing.