Quotes & Jokes by Richard Lewis / page 5

When I was a kid my family said having feelings was an act of treason.

Good morning... never experienced that myself.

Acceptance and forgiveness are crucial components to a happy life and hopefully I can find mine in storage.

The best way to have an affair without feeling guilty is to sleep with your therapist.

We can't agree on religion and guns and economics and sadly civil rights but if the wealthy won't chip in for the needy we are done.

Perception is reality; so being so twisted I have no idea who I ever was which was a really lucky break.

You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar, but either way you've got flies.

I'm looking forward to yesterday.

I live in a predominantly anxious section of town.

I can't sleep because I keep dreaming that I'm me...

The longer that I live the less time I have to worry.

If you have a date tonight, play it safe and leave your heart at home.

I was having a great day until I woke up.

If you are going through an emotional nightmare be grateful that it is only a nightmare.

I don't care what people think of me because I never cared what I thought about myself.