Quotes & Jokes by Robin Williams / page 11

They should have little disclaimer that says - "Do not operate heavy machinery while watching this show!"

Eat what? There's nothing here! Gandhi ate more than this!

If there was a pill that allowed you to drink and not get drunk, an alcoholic would go "What happens if you take two?"

Ah... so many pedestrians, so little time...

The only weapon we have is comedy.

Okra is the closest thing to nylon I`ve ever eaten. It`s like they bred cotton with a green bean. Okra, tastes like snot. The more you cook it, the more it turns into string.

The Second Amendment says we have the right to bear arms, not to bear artillery.

Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose.

Reality: What a concept!

Everyone has these two visions when they hold their child for the first time. The first is your child as an adult saying "I want to thank the Nobel Committee for this award." The other is "You want fries with that?"

A woman would never make a nuclear bomb. They would never make a weapon that kills, no, no. They’d make a weapon that makes you feel bad for a while.

After I quit drinking, I realized I am the same asshole I always was; I just have fewer dents in my car.

I always wanted to play a big, black man, but that would cost too much make-up.

We are so excited about adding additional incentives to the program. It gives them a fun reason to exercise and learn about geography as well.

I started doing comedy because that was the only stage that I could find. It was the pure idea of being on stage. That was the only thing that interested me, along with learning the craft and working, and just being in productions with people.