Quotes & Jokes by Robin Williams / page 11
Okra is the closest thing to nylon I`ve ever eaten. It`s like they bred cotton with a green bean. Okra, tastes like snot. The more you cook it, the more it turns into string.
After a while, you just kind of chill. It just becomes a whole different lifestyle and no one bothers you.
I love the guys who say "I watch NASCAR for the racing." Yeah, and I watch porn for the acting. You liar!
I always wanted to play a big, black man, but that would cost too much make-up.
Beer commercials usually show big men, manly men, doing manly things: "You've just killed a small animal. It's time for a light beer." Why not have a realistic beer commercial, with a realistic thing about beer, where someone goes, "It's five o'clock in the morning. You've just pissed on a dumpster. It's Miller time."
When I find out a hotel doesn't have a DSL, it's like "What? There's no toilet?" Once you get used to high speed you ain’t going back.
If that man in the PTL is such a healer, why can't he make his wife's hairdo go down?
What's true in our minds is true, whether some people know it or not.
The Second Amendment says we have the right to bear arms, not to bear artillery.
After I quit drinking, I realized I am the same asshole I always was; I just have fewer dents in my car.
Spielberg is so powerful he had final cut at his own circumsision.