Quotes & Jokes by Robin Williams / page 12

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The only thing I'm really suited for is the musical version of Congo.

We are so excited about adding additional incentives to the program. It gives them a fun reason to exercise and learn about geography as well.

They should have little disclaimer that says - "Do not operate heavy machinery while watching this show!"

Eat what? There's nothing here! Gandhi ate more than this!

If there was a pill that allowed you to drink and not get drunk, an alcoholic would go "What happens if you take two?"

Look at us - we're a San Francisco wedding cake.

You're still young. Being a true loser takes years of inaptitude.

I started doing comedy because that was the only stage that I could find. It was the pure idea of being on stage. That was the only thing that interested me, along with learning the craft and working, and just being in productions with people.

Our freedoms are under siege - for our own good, they tell us.

And now that you have a child you have to clean up your act, 'cause you can't drink anymore. You can't come home drunk and go, "Hey, here`s a little switch: Daddy's gonna throw up on you!"

Women! Can't live with 'em, can't live with 'em!

The only weapon we have is comedy.

You can start any Monty Python routine and people finish it for you. Everyone knows it like shorthand.

My religious background is that my mother is a Christian Dior Scientist.