Quotes & Jokes by Robin Williams / page 9

209 quotes

Comedy is acting out optimism.

They make these outrageous comedies and just use these kids as props. They're not beings who are transforming.

Shakespeare said, "Kill all the lawyers." There were no agents then.

Three wishes - no substitutes, exchanges or refunds.

His golf bag does not contain a full set of irons.

When my friends and I played cowboys and Indians, I was always the Chinese railroad worker.

I've actually gone to the zoo and had monkeys shout to me from their cages, "I'm in here when you're walking around like that?"

There are no rules. Just follow your heart.

Sometimes you've got to specifically go out of your way to get into trouble. It's called fun.

A woman would never make a nuclear bomb. They would never make a weapon that kills, no, no. They’d make a weapon that makes you feel bad for a while.

It's a wonderful feeling when your father becomes not a god but a man to you - when he comes down from the mountain and you see he's this man with weaknesses. And you love him as this whole being, not as a figurehead.

Taking Viagra after open heart surgery is like a Civil War re-enactment with live ammo. Not good.

When in doubt, go for the dick joke.

You treat a disease, you win, you lose. You treat a person, I'll guarantee you'll win.

I like my wine like my women - ready to pass out.