Quotes & Jokes by Rodney Dangerfield / page 18
I got my first break and became a singing waiter at eighteen or nineteen. I couldn't make a living at it. I quit. Then I got married and sold aluminum siding. My wife had problems physically. It was not good.
I had a good time last week. I did a show; the whole audience was midgets. I got a standing ovation - I didn't even know it!
I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.
When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back!
Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.
My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.
I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!
Oh, last week was a rough week. I noticed my gums were shrinking. I was brushing my teeth with Preparation H.
My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.
Why, her cooking is so bad that the flies pitched in to fix the screen door. I leave dental floss in the kitchen and watch the roaches hang themselves.