Quotes & Jokes by Rodney Dangerfield / page 18
I got my first break and became a singing waiter at eighteen or nineteen. I couldn't make a living at it. I quit. Then I got married and sold aluminum siding. My wife had problems physically. It was not good.
She was so ugly that when two men broke into her apartment and she yelled "rape" they yelled "nooooooo".
I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back!
I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.
I told my doctor I got water on my knee, he gave me a sponge and raised his fee!
Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.
Why, her cooking is so bad that the flies pitched in to fix the screen door. I leave dental floss in the kitchen and watch the roaches hang themselves.
I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!
When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
Oh, last week was a rough week. I noticed my gums were shrinking. I was brushing my teeth with Preparation H.
For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back.
My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.