Quotes & Jokes by Rodney Dangerfield / page 20
She was so fat that when she got on the scale a card came out saying one at a time.
At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
She told me when we have sex, that's the only time I make her laugh.
My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.
I tell you, I'm not a sexy guy. I was the centerfold for Playgirl magazine. The staples covered everything!
She was so fat that when guys have sex with her they ask for directions.
I tell ya, my family were always big drinkers. When I was a kid, I was missing. They put my picture on a bottle of Scotch.
She was so ugly that when I bent down to pet her cat it turned out to be the hair on her legs.
Everyone gets their rough day. No one gets a free ride. Today so far, I had a good day. I got a dial tone.