Quotes & Jokes by Rodney Dangerfield / page 21
I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at prisons and wait for parolees.
I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
I was ugly, very ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother.
His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blow onion rings.
If you can't write your own material, you have very little chance of making it as a comedian.
Everyone gets their rough day. No one gets a free ride. Today so far, I had a good day. I got a dial tone.
She was so fat that when she got on the scale a card came out saying one at a time.
I tell ya, my wife, we get along good cause we have our own arrangement. I mean, one night a week I go out with the boys and one night a week, she goes out with the boys.
I was an ugly kid. When I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.
She was so fat that when I hit her with my car she asked why I didn't go around her and I said that I didn't think I had enough gas.
When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, Look... twins!
I like southern girls. They talk so slow that by the time they say no, I made it already.