Quotes & Jokes by Rodney Dangerfield / page 25
She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history.
My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
When I was born I brought no joy, my father said he wanted a boy!
I remember one guy gave her a good piece of his mind. Yeah, it was right after she took a good piece of his leg.
I tell ya, with my wife, I got no sex life. Her favorite position is facing Bloomingdale's.
I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
That son of mine, when they made him they broke the mold. Then they set it on fire to be sure.
She was so fat that when she got on the scale a card came out saying one at a time.
C is for cookie, it's good enough for me; oh cookie cookie cookie starts with C.
This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark.