Quotes & Jokes by Rodney Dangerfield / page 5
Why her cooking is so bad that the flies pitched in to fix the screen door. I leave dental floss in the kitchen and watch the roaches hang themselves.
I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, "If I don't make it, I'll never know it."
I'll tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless!
What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.
I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others. He gave my one with four cavities.
Once I opened up a fortune cookie and inside was the guy's cheque next to me I said "hey buddy I got your cheque" he said "thanks".
In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out of the window.
I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, "Wait til it gets warmer."
I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. He told me to wear a brown tie.
The sign on the bar said: 'girls- topless, bottomless', I went inside and there was nobody there!
Why her cooking is so bad that the flies pitched in to fix the screen door. I leave dental floss in the kitchen and watch the roaches hang themselves.