Quotes & Jokes by Rodney Dangerfield / page 6
I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
I know I’m not sexy. In high school I was voted "Most Likely to Masturbate".
I'm tellin' ya I get no respect. When I was in Switzerland, I got an obscene yodel.
I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. He told me to wear a brown tie.
I'm very lucky. Years ago they had images, like W.C. Fields, Laurel and Hardy, Groucho Marx. But today, I think I'm the only one around with an image. And that image is something everyone identified with. They all feel life treated 'em wrong and they got no respect.
I got a book for my birthday "How to make it big" I had to take it back.
When I was a kid I got no respect. My mother breast fed me through a straw.
I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.
I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
I came from a real tough neighborhood. I bought a waterbed and found a guy at the bottom of it.
I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!
What a mean kid too. Why he puts krazy glue in my preparation H.
I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.
When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin' from one end to the other.