Quotes & Jokes by Steve Martin / page 10

And now, I'm pleased to introduce the star of the film Gladiator, and a man I like to call a close, personal friend, but he told me not to...

Mirabelle is attractive; it's just that she is never the first or second girl chosen.

Were they beautiful? We were all beautiful. We were in our twenties.

I'm a bitter, sad, sour young man who makes a career out of hastling people with real careers.

She is nearing forty and not so easily forgiven as when her skin bloomed like roses.

With a cheery delicacy she divided my obsessions into three categories: acceptable, unacceptable, and hilarious.

You can’t make something beautiful by trying to make something beautiful. Something becomes beautiful in the process of trying to be something else.

She was feeling her bohemian oats.

Just to be on the front row here is a bit of a prize in itself.

The greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself.

When I first found out that I was going to win this award, I tried really hard - to care. And then I realized; we are all here tonight, because of a common love: me.

While my fervent hope is we can get the entire amount. I think we need to have some idea what we would lose.

It is not the big events that hurt the most but rather the smallest questionable shift in tone at the end of a spoken word that can plow most deeply into the heart.

If you've got a dollar and you spend 29 cents on a loaf of bread, you've got 71 cents left; But if you've got seventeen grand and you spend 29 cents on a loaf of bread, you've still got seventeen grand. There's a math lesson for you.

It was easier to sell a painting that was not for sale.