Quotes & Jokes by Steve Martin / page 10

When you’re reaching for a star, there’s a long way to fall.

It's almost as if someone took a saltine cracker, crumbled it and threw it in the air. These casinos were barges, on the water, and they were destroyed.

She tried to get even with him through psychological warfare but couldn't, because he didn't care.

I saw the movie, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and I was surprised because I didn't see any tigers or dragons. And then I realised why: they're crouching and hidden.

The greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself.

I have heard it said that a complicated childhood can lead to a life in the arts. I tell you this story of my father and me to let you know I am qualified to be a comedian.

It was easier to sell a painting that was not for sale.

When I first found out that I was going to win this award, I tried really hard - to care. And then I realized; we are all here tonight, because of a common love: me.

It is not the big events that hurt the most but rather the smallest questionable shift in tone at the end of a spoken word that can plow most deeply into the heart.

She is nearing forty and not so easily forgiven as when her skin bloomed like roses.

I'm a bitter, sad, sour young man who makes a career out of hastling people with real careers.

Just to be on the front row here is a bit of a prize in itself.

Were they beautiful? We were all beautiful. We were in our twenties.

She was feeling her bohemian oats.

You can’t make something beautiful by trying to make something beautiful. Something becomes beautiful in the process of trying to be something else.