Quotes & Jokes by Woody Allen / page 17

Life is for the living.

I have no idea what I am doing but incompetence has never prevented me from plunging in with enthusiasm.

When it comes to sex there are certain things that should always be left unknown, and with my luck, they probably will be.

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.

No matter how cynical you are, you can't keep up.

This year I'm a star, but what will I be next year? A black hole?

Raised by two mothers... wow, most of us barely survive one.

A deranged person is supposed to have the strength of ten men. I have the strength of one small boy... with polio.

A lot of things have happened in my private life recently that I thought we could review tonight.

I recently turned sixty. Practically a third of my life is over.

My films are therapy for my debilitating depression. In institutions people weave baskets. I make films.

When the Academy called, I panicked. I thought they might want their Oscars back and the pawn shop has been out of business for a while.

Curiosity, that's what kills us. Not muggers or all that bullshit about the ozone layer. It's our own hearts and minds.

You think the President of the United States wants to fuck every woman he meets?.. Well, bad example.

Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to sex.