Quotes & Jokes by Woody Allen / page 17

I bought her this handkerchief... and I didn't even know her size.

This year I'm a star, but what will I be next year? A black hole?

Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.

Love is too weak a word for what I feel - I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F's, yes.

Tradition is the illusion of permanance.

Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.

Never shoot up in the air when you're standing under it.

Raised by two mothers... wow, most of us barely survive one.

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

Recently there has been a lot of controversy between the countries, and I would hope that now the two countries could put all that behind them and start to build on what really has been a great friendship.

You think the President of the United States wants to fuck every woman he meets?.. Well, bad example.

I'm not anti-social. I'm just not social.

Your self-esteem is a notch below Kafka.

Whosoever shall not fall by the sword or by famine, shall fall by pestilence so why bother shaving?

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.