Quotes & Jokes by Woody Allen / page 17
You think the President of the United States wants to fuck every woman he meets?.. Well, bad example.
A Bay Area Bisexual told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.
A lot of things have happened in my private life recently that I thought we could review tonight.
A deranged person is supposed to have the strength of ten men. I have the strength of one small boy... with polio.
Better not think too much. Relying more on the body: it is more trustworthy.
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
Curiosity, that's what kills us. Not muggers or all that bullshit about the ozone layer. It's our own hearts and minds.
If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.
When the Academy called, I panicked. I thought they might want their Oscars back and the pawn shop has been out of business for a while.
Oh, he was probably a member of the National Rifle Association. It was a group that helped criminals get guns so they could shoot citizens. It was a public service.