Quotes & Jokes by Woody Allen / page 17

I have no idea what I am doing but incompetence has never prevented me from plunging in with enthusiasm.

Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.

Recently there has been a lot of controversy between the countries, and I would hope that now the two countries could put all that behind them and start to build on what really has been a great friendship.

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

A lot of things have happened in my private life recently that I thought we could review tonight.

No matter how cynical you are, you can't keep up.

Life is for the living.

This year I'm a star, but what will I be next year? A black hole?

Raised by two mothers... wow, most of us barely survive one.

A deranged person is supposed to have the strength of ten men. I have the strength of one small boy... with polio.

You think the President of the United States wants to fuck every woman he meets?.. Well, bad example.

I recently turned sixty. Practically a third of my life is over.

Curiosity, that's what kills us. Not muggers or all that bullshit about the ozone layer. It's our own hearts and minds.

My films are therapy for my debilitating depression. In institutions people weave baskets. I make films.

When the Academy called, I panicked. I thought they might want their Oscars back and the pawn shop has been out of business for a while.