Quotes & Jokes by Woody Allen / page 17

Recently there has been a lot of controversy between the countries, and I would hope that now the two countries could put all that behind them and start to build on what really has been a great friendship.

I have no idea what I am doing but incompetence has never prevented me from plunging in with enthusiasm.

Life is for the living.

No matter how cynical you are, you can't keep up.

When it comes to sex there are certain things that should always be left unknown, and with my luck, they probably will be.

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

I recently turned sixty. Practically a third of my life is over.

Raised by two mothers... wow, most of us barely survive one.

My films are therapy for my debilitating depression. In institutions people weave baskets. I make films.

This year I'm a star, but what will I be next year? A black hole?

A lot of things have happened in my private life recently that I thought we could review tonight.

When the Academy called, I panicked. I thought they might want their Oscars back and the pawn shop has been out of business for a while.

A deranged person is supposed to have the strength of ten men. I have the strength of one small boy... with polio.

Curiosity, that's what kills us. Not muggers or all that bullshit about the ozone layer. It's our own hearts and minds.

You think the President of the United States wants to fuck every woman he meets?.. Well, bad example.