Quotes & Jokes by Woody Allen / page 18

Eternity is a very long time, especially towards the end.

Life is for the living.

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

Love is too weak a word for what I feel - I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F's, yes.

Have you ever noticed that good people sleep better, but bad people seem to have more fun when they're awake?

I wonder if Socrates and Plato took a house on Crete during the summer.

Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.

You're so good looking I can barely keep my eyes on the meter.

Where am I, anyhow? I mean, what happened to everybody?

I love money, strictly for financial reasons.

Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the meal seriously.

Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.

Tradition is the illusion of permanance.

I believe people ought to mate for life... like pigeons or Catholics.

I'm not anti-social. I'm just not social.