Quotes & Jokes by Woody Allen / page 18

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

I believe people ought to mate for life... like pigeons or Catholics.

Life is for the living.

I spend a lot of time idly. I go to sporting events, play my clarinet. I practise. But if you work every day, a certain amount on a steady basis, the work accumulates.

A lot of things have happened in my private life recently that I thought we could review tonight.

I recently turned sixty. Practically a third of my life is over.

No matter how cynical you are, you can't keep up.

I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!

Curiosity, that's what kills us. Not muggers or all that bullshit about the ozone layer. It's our own hearts and minds.

Marriage? That's for life! It's like cement!

When the Academy called, I panicked. I thought they might want their Oscars back and the pawn shop has been out of business for a while.

Where am I, anyhow? I mean, what happened to everybody?

I'm short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own.

Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to sex.

Have you ever noticed that good people sleep better, but bad people seem to have more fun when they're awake?