Quotes & Jokes by Woody Allen / page 19

I think there is too much wrong with the world to ever get too relaxed and happy. The more natural state, and the better one, I think, is one of some anxiety and tension over man`s plight in this mysterious universe.

You're so good looking I can barely keep my eyes on the meter.

If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

All the crap they tell you about... getting joy and having a kind of wisdom in your golden years - it's all tripe.

Oh, he was probably a member of the National Rifle Association. It was a group that helped criminals get guns so they could shoot citizens. It was a public service.

I love money, strictly for financial reasons.

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

I wonder if Socrates and Plato took a house on Crete during the summer.

It's a wonderful thing to be able to create your own world whenever you want to.

Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the meal seriously.

Early in life, I was visited by the bluebird of anxiety.

Now is the time to strike. The Leader is at great handicap, he has no head or body!

Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.