Quotes & Jokes by Woody Allen / page 19
I wonder if Socrates and Plato took a house on Crete during the summer.
To a man standing on the shore, time passes quicker than to a man on a boat - especially if the man on the boat is with his wife.
All the crap they tell you about... getting joy and having a kind of wisdom in your golden years - it's all tripe.
Curiosity, that's what kills us. Not muggers or all that bullshit about the ozone layer. It's our own hearts and minds.
It's a wonderful thing to be able to create your own world whenever you want to.
Oh, he was probably a member of the National Rifle Association. It was a group that helped criminals get guns so they could shoot citizens. It was a public service.
What advice would I give the average homeowner to protect himself against burglars? Well, the first thing is to keep a light on in the house when you go out. It must be at least a sixty-watt bulb; anything less and the burglar will ransack the house, out of contempt for the wattage.
If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.
I'm not a drinker, my body won't tolerate... eh... spirits, really. I had two martinis New Years Eve and I tried to hi-jack an elevator and fly it to Cuba.
I think there is too much wrong with the world to ever get too relaxed and happy. The more natural state, and the better one, I think, is one of some anxiety and tension over man`s plight in this mysterious universe.
I came home one night, some month ago, and I went to the closet in my bedroom...and a moth ate my sports jacket. He was laying on the floor, nauseous, y'know.