Quotes & Jokes by Woody Allen / page 19

If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.

I think there is too much wrong with the world to ever get too relaxed and happy. The more natural state, and the better one, I think, is one of some anxiety and tension over man`s plight in this mysterious universe.

I love money, strictly for financial reasons.

Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to sex.

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

I wonder if Socrates and Plato took a house on Crete during the summer.

Oh, he was probably a member of the National Rifle Association. It was a group that helped criminals get guns so they could shoot citizens. It was a public service.

To a man standing on the shore, time passes quicker than to a man on a boat - especially if the man on the boat is with his wife.

After 60, all of us belong to the weaker sex.

All the crap they tell you about... getting joy and having a kind of wisdom in your golden years - it's all tripe.

Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

It's a wonderful thing to be able to create your own world whenever you want to.

Because it’s much more pleasant to be obsessed over how the hero gets out of his predicament than it is over how I get out of mine.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.