Quotes & Jokes by Woody Allen / page 20

It's a wonderful thing to be able to create your own world whenever you want to.

Never shoot up in the air when you're standing under it.

At the moment it's just a Notion, but with a bit of backing I think I could turn it into Concept, and then an Idea.

Because it’s much more pleasant to be obsessed over how the hero gets out of his predicament than it is over how I get out of mine.

Am I my brother's keeper? Yes. Interestingly, in my case, I share that honor with the Prospect Park Zoo.

I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.

After 60, all of us belong to the weaker sex.

Marriage? That's for life! It's like cement!

I do occasionally envy the person who is religious naturally, without being brainwashed into it or suckered into it by all the organized hustles.

I don’t know what the hell I’m doing here. I’m 237 years old, I should be collecting social security.

I was walking through the woods, thinking about Christ. If He was a carpenter, I wondered what He charged for bookshelves.

Bidnick gorges himself on Viagra, but the dosage makes him hallucinate and causes him to imagine he is Pliny the Elder.

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.

I should go to Paris and jump off of the Eiffel Tower. If I took the Concorde, I could be dead three hours earlier.

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.