Quotes & Jokes by Woody Allen / page 20

Never shoot up in the air when you're standing under it.

I'm not a drinker, my body won't tolerate... eh... spirits, really. I had two martinis New Years Eve and I tried to hi-jack an elevator and fly it to Cuba.

There's more to life than sitting around in the sun in your underwear playing the clarinet.

Early in life, I was visited by the bluebird of anxiety.

I think there is too much wrong with the world to ever get too relaxed and happy. The more natural state, and the better one, I think, is one of some anxiety and tension over man`s plight in this mysterious universe.

I came home one night, some month ago, and I went to the closet in my bedroom...and a moth ate my sports jacket. He was laying on the floor, nauseous, y'know.

I'm short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own.

I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.

The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind - a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down payment on a house.

Is there a separation between body and mind, and if so which is it better to have?

Because it’s much more pleasant to be obsessed over how the hero gets out of his predicament than it is over how I get out of mine.

At the moment it's just a Notion, but with a bit of backing I think I could turn it into Concept, and then an Idea.

It's a wonderful thing to be able to create your own world whenever you want to.

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.