Quotes & Jokes by Woody Allen / page 20

I'm short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own.

Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.

I think there is too much wrong with the world to ever get too relaxed and happy. The more natural state, and the better one, I think, is one of some anxiety and tension over man`s plight in this mysterious universe.

Early in life, I was visited by the bluebird of anxiety.

My relationship with American audiences is the exact same as it always has been. They never came to see my films, and they don't come now.

I'm not a drinker, my body won't tolerate... eh... spirits, really. I had two martinis New Years Eve and I tried to hi-jack an elevator and fly it to Cuba.

There's more to life than sitting around in the sun in your underwear playing the clarinet.

I came home one night, some month ago, and I went to the closet in my bedroom...and a moth ate my sports jacket. He was laying on the floor, nauseous, y'know.

It's a wonderful thing to be able to create your own world whenever you want to.

Now is the time to strike. The Leader is at great handicap, he has no head or body!

Because it’s much more pleasant to be obsessed over how the hero gets out of his predicament than it is over how I get out of mine.

I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.

The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind - a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down payment on a house.

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.