Quotes & Jokes by Woody Allen / page 21

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

At the moment it's just a Notion, but with a bit of backing I think I could turn it into Concept, and then an Idea.

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.

I'm not saying I didn't enjoy myself, but I didn't.

Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.

Is there a separation between body and mind, and if so which is it better to have?

You'll find as you go through life that great depth and smoldering sensuality don't always win.

If you don't fail now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe.

I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said "No."

What a world. It could be so wonderful if it wasn't for certain people.

Honey! Bring down a copy of my will - and an eraser!

I do occasionally envy the person who is religious naturally, without being brainwashed into it or suckered into it by all the organized hustles.

I have no regard for that kind of ceremony. I just don't think they know what they're doing. When you see who wins those things - or who doesn't win them - you can see how meaningless this Oscar thing is.