Quotes & Jokes by Woody Allen / page 21

Is there a separation between body and mind, and if so which is it better to have?

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.

Honey! Bring down a copy of my will - and an eraser!

At the moment it's just a Notion, but with a bit of backing I think I could turn it into Concept, and then an Idea.

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said "No."

Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.

If you don't fail now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe.

What a world. It could be so wonderful if it wasn't for certain people.

Bidnick gorges himself on Viagra, but the dosage makes him hallucinate and causes him to imagine he is Pliny the Elder.

I have no regard for that kind of ceremony. I just don't think they know what they're doing. When you see who wins those things - or who doesn't win them - you can see how meaningless this Oscar thing is.

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.

My ex-wife claimed she was violated. Knowing my ex-wife, it wasn’t a moving violation.

I was walking through the woods, thinking about Christ. If He was a carpenter, I wondered what He charged for bookshelves.

You'll find as you go through life that great depth and smoldering sensuality don't always win.