Quotes & Jokes by Woody Allen / page 21
It`s true I had a lot of anxiety. I was afraid of the dark and suspicious of the light.
If you don't fail now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe.
I have no regard for that kind of ceremony. I just don't think they know what they're doing. When you see who wins those things - or who doesn't win them - you can see how meaningless this Oscar thing is.
Whosover loveth wisdom is righteous, but he that keepeth company with fowl is weird.
My relationship with American audiences is the exact same as it always has been. They never came to see my films, and they don't come now.
Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.
For God sakes, this is a woman I was married to for 10 years. We made love. I'd hold her head over the toilet bowl when she threw up.
Now is the time to strike. The Leader is at great handicap, he has no head or body!
I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.
Please forgive me. My pedicurist had a stroke. She fell forward onto the orange stick and plunged it into my toe. It required bandaging.
Child molestation is a touchy subject... Read the papers! Half the country's doing it!
I do not know if God exists, but if there is, I hope he has a good excuse!