Quotes & Jokes by Woody Allen / page 22
I have no regard for that kind of ceremony. I just don't think they know what they're doing. When you see who wins those things - or who doesn't win them - you can see how meaningless this Oscar thing is.
I should go to Paris and jump off of the Eiffel Tower. If I took the Concorde, I could be dead three hours earlier.
Please forgive me. My pedicurist had a stroke. She fell forward onto the orange stick and plunged it into my toe. It required bandaging.
Whosover loveth wisdom is righteous, but he that keepeth company with fowl is weird.
It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind - a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down payment on a house.
It`s true I had a lot of anxiety. I was afraid of the dark and suspicious of the light.
Am I my brother's keeper? Yes. Interestingly, in my case, I share that honor with the Prospect Park Zoo.
It's something that occurs to me many times in my movies. They can often be treated comically or dramatically, and I usually opt to treat them comically. But it occurred to me that you could get a story and you could fool around with it both ways.
I don’t know what the hell I’m doing here. I’m 237 years old, I should be collecting social security.
When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.