Quotes & Jokes by Woody Allen / page 4
I could tell by the sound of your voice over the phone. Very authoritative you know, like the Pope or the computer in 2001.
Oh, now there's only one kind of love that lasts. That's unrequited love. It stays with you forever.
How am I immature? Intellectually, emotionally, and sexually. Yeah, but in what other ways?
I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.
Will you calm down? You're not going to let a little near-death experience ruin your mood, are you?
The great roe is a mythological beast with the head of a lion and the body of a lion, though not the same lion.
In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Join the army, see the world, meet interesting people - and kill 'em.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.
I can’t express anger. That’s one of the problems I have. I grow a tumor instead.