Quotes & Jokes by Woody Allen / page 5
Will you calm down? You're not going to let a little near-death experience ruin your mood, are you?
It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off.
The two biggest myths about me are that I’m an intellectual, because I wear these glasses, and that I’m an artist because my films lose money. Those two myths have been prevalent for many years.
The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
I like writing. It keeps my mind off grim subjects. It's therapeutic in the same way a patient in an institution is given fingerpaints.
The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.
I think crime pays. The hours are good, you meet a lot of interesting people, you travel a lot.
Is world peace possible or is the human race too innately aggressive? For instance: Have you ever seen women at a sample sale?
Abysmal vermin that I am, I couldn't of course tell her that it was her incredible mother that I wanted to see again… I knew only as I drove through the cold, night autumn air that somewhere Freud, Sophocles and Eugene O’Neill were laughing.