Quotes & Jokes by Woody Allen / page 6

My analyst warned me, but you were so beautiful I got another analyst.

The whole country was tied together by radio. We all experienced the same heroes and comedians and singers. They were giants.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

I never think I feel cynical in general. Cynical is reality with an alternate spelling. I feel there's a gigantic amount of injustice and overt crime every day in the world, from emotional crimes to international crimes, and it often carries rewards.

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

What do I dislike about death? Must be the hours.

Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat... college.

I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants.

My parents stayed together for forty years. But that was out of spite.

Don't think of death as an ending. Think of it as a really effective way of cutting down your expenses.

Maybe the poets are right. Maybe love is the only answer.

Death is an acquired trait.

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Sylvia Plath – interesting poetess whose tragic suicide was misinterpreted as romantic by the college girl mentality.

I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go down and meet them with baseball bats.