Quotes & Jokes by Bill Cosby / page 10

I've got a Ferrari. VROOM! I do 104 from the garage to the front door.

I recently turned fifty, which is young for a tree, midlife for an elephant, and ancient for a quarter miler, who's son now says, "Dad, I just can't run the quarter with you anymore unless I bring something to read."

In spite of the six thousand manuals on child raising in the bookstores, child raising is still a dark continent and no one really knows anything. You just need a lot of love and luck - and, of course, courage.

The childless experts on child raising also bring tears of laughter to my eyes when they say, "I love children because they're so honest." There is not an agent in the CIA or the KGB who knows how to conceal the theft of food, how to fake being asleep, or how to forge a parent's signature like a child.

The worst thing to do is to die while reading LIFE magazine.

Fatherhood is asking your son to make up a name rather than tell anybody who he is.

It isn't a matter of black is beautiful as much as it is white is not all that's beautiful.

You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.

My father would pass gas and then blame it on imaginary animals.

It's painful, but we can't heal ourselves unless we cleanse the wounds.

It doesn't have to be that way.

We go out of our way to make people so different,... to punish them because of color, because of sex, because of size, and the game starts.

And to those people with no children but who think they'd like to have them some day to fulfill their lives. Remember: With fulfillment comes responsibility.

The dentist drills some more and you hear him make a mistake. And to cover it up, they all say the same thing: "Okay, rinse."

My mother comes in my room and says, "Just look at this mess! This is a pig sty!" Now, I've already been in the room five hours, and she wants me to LOOK at it.