Quotes & Jokes by Bill Cosby / page 9

That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle the Vatican has overlooked.

Did you ever see the customers in health-food stores? They are pale, skinny people who look half dead. In a steak house, you see robust, ruddy people. They're dying, of course, but they look terrific.

You can teach an old dog new tricks. You just don't want to watch the dog doing them.

Repeat after me. I promise not to run outside of the house. I promise not to run inside of the house. I promise not to touch, pick up, step on, anything that looks interesting.

These people marched and were hit in the face with rocks to get an education and now we've got these knuckleheads walking around.

The essence of childhood, of course, is play, which my friends and I did endlessly on streets that we reluctantly shared with traffic.

The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns, then your marriage is a gift from the gods.

She (his wife) is the wind beneath my wings.

I've got a Ferrari. VROOM! I do 104 from the garage to the front door.

The childless experts on child raising also bring tears of laughter to my eyes when they say, "I love children because they're so honest." There is not an agent in the CIA or the KGB who knows how to conceal the theft of food, how to fake being asleep, or how to forge a parent's signature like a child.

I wasn't always black... there was this freckle, and it got bigger and bigger.

Never say to younger people "that was before your time," because the last full moon was before their time!

Why do kids always say peace out, I though peace was in.

That's why ears have cartilage, to keep them from flapping.

Lasting harmony with a woman (was) an undertaking in which I twice failed rather disgracefully.