Quotes & Jokes by Bill Cosby / page 9

That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle the Vatican has overlooked.

Did you ever see the customers in health-food stores? They are pale, skinny people who look half dead. In a steak house, you see robust, ruddy people. They're dying, of course, but they look terrific.

You can teach an old dog new tricks. You just don't want to watch the dog doing them.

The essence of childhood, of course, is play, which my friends and I did endlessly on streets that we reluctantly shared with traffic.

These people marched and were hit in the face with rocks to get an education and now we've got these knuckleheads walking around.

Repeat after me. I promise not to run outside of the house. I promise not to run inside of the house. I promise not to touch, pick up, step on, anything that looks interesting.

The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns, then your marriage is a gift from the gods.

I wasn't always black... there was this freckle, and it got bigger and bigger.

If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.

Never say to younger people "that was before your time," because the last full moon was before their time!

Why do kids always say peace out, I though peace was in.

Lasting harmony with a woman (was) an undertaking in which I twice failed rather disgracefully.

She (his wife) is the wind beneath my wings.

You know the only people who are always sure about the proper way to raise children? Those who've never had any.

That's why ears have cartilage, to keep them from flapping.