Quotes & Jokes by Bill Cosby / page 9
I've got a Ferrari. VROOM! I do 104 from the garage to the front door.
That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle the Vatican has overlooked.
Your rooms are as filthy today as they were when you graduated from high school. And we want them cleaned up.
The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns, then your marriage is a gift from the gods.
These people marched and were hit in the face with rocks to get an education and now we've got these knuckleheads walking around.
Repeat after me. I promise not to run outside of the house. I promise not to run inside of the house. I promise not to touch, pick up, step on, anything that looks interesting.
Never say to younger people "that was before your time," because the last full moon was before their time!
The essence of childhood, of course, is play, which my friends and I did endlessly on streets that we reluctantly shared with traffic.
Did you ever see the customers in health-food stores? They are pale, skinny people who look half dead. In a steak house, you see robust, ruddy people. They're dying, of course, but they look terrific.
The childless experts on child raising also bring tears of laughter to my eyes when they say, "I love children because they're so honest." There is not an agent in the CIA or the KGB who knows how to conceal the theft of food, how to fake being asleep, or how to forge a parent's signature like a child.
It isn't a matter of black is beautiful as much as it is white is not all that's beautiful.
You know the only people who are always sure about the proper way to raise children? Those who've never had any.