Quotes & Jokes by Bill Cosby / page 5

Ladies and gentlemen, the lower economic and lower middle economic people are not holding their end in this deal. In the neighborhood that most of us grew up in, parenting is not going on.

Your parents put a curse on you Someday your kids are going to act just like you.

The problem is that your daughter has given her heart to a 15-year-old boy, and a 15-year-old boy does not yet qualify as a human being.

My father established our relationship when I was seven years old. He looked at me and said, "You know, I brought you in this world, and I can take you out. And it don't make no difference to me, I'll make another one look just like you."

I just felt wonderful about that. Just to erase all that mess about,"'Well, I'm either flipping burgers or doing drugs, you know, or getting shot." You know, that kind of a thing.

On many young actors that don't give their parents proper credit: I'm still waiting for some actor to win, say, an Oscar... and deliver the following acceptance speech: I would like to thank my parents, first of all, for letting me live.

All children have brain damage!

Nothing I've ever done has given me more joys and rewards than being a father to my children.

Every father says the same thing: "Where's your mother?"

In spite of what Thomas Jefferson wrote, all men may be created equal, but not to all women.

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.

Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much.

Gray hair is God's graffiti.

My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own fatherhood, but it didn't because parenting can only be learned by people who have no children.

I am not the boss of my house. I don't know how I lost it. I don't know when I lost it. I don't think I ever had it. But I've seen the boss's job and I don't want it.