Quotes & Jokes by Bill Cosby / page 6

All children have brain damage!

In spite of what Thomas Jefferson wrote, all men may be created equal, but not to all women.

No parent must ever say, "Get the kids out of here, I'm trying to watch TV." The father who does start saying this is likely to see one of his children on the 6:00 news.

As I have discovered by examining my past, I started out as a child. Coincidentally, so did my brother. My mother did not put all her eggs in one basket, so to speak: she gave me a younger brother named Russell, who taught me what was meant by survival of the fittest.

My children think my mother is the most wonderful woman on the face of the Earth. And I keep telling my children, “That’s not the same woman I grew up with. You’re looking at an old person who’s trying to get into heaven now.”

I was told maybe nine years ago by an executive who was working for a major network that the networks from now on are going to be entertaining 13-year-old people, and that's what you see today.

I can tell you, from experience, that whoever said "Children and fools cannot lie" was one or the other himself. There`s only one way to guarantee that your children are telling the truth: limit your questions to the names of their schools.

My grandpa didn't believe in hugging and kissing, or saying "I love you." His love had to do with the way he treated you. When he said, "We're going here, we're going there," he was telling me about life. That was his love for me. My love for him was listening to what he said, keeping out of trouble, doing right, being fair.

A person that is going to go out and get so drunk that you're going to get sick is just an<br /> all-time dumb person.

I am proud to be an American. Because an American can eat anything on the face of this earth as long as he has two pieces of bread.

If you're a parent, the five worst words you can say to your children are, "When I was your age ..." You were never their age. You were older in the womb.

Look, I'm not going to put pressure on the boy. If he's good... Great. If he's bad... If he quits, he's dead.

When you become senile, you won't know it.

Raising children is an incredibly hard and risky business in which no cumulative wisdom is gained: each generation repeats the mistakes the previous one made.

Some authority on parenting once said, "Hold them very close and then let them go." This is the hardest truth for a father to learn: that his children are continuously growing up and moving away from him (until, of course, they move back in).