Quotes & Jokes by Bill Cosby / page 6
College was a wonderful time - except, of course, when it was trying to teach you things.
My eleven year old daughter mopes around the house all day waiting for her breasts to grow.
No parent must ever say, "Get the kids out of here, I'm trying to watch TV." The father who does start saying this is likely to see one of his children on the 6:00 news.
Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think - in a deeper voice.
You can never give complete authority and overall power to anyone until trust can be proven.
If you're a parent, the five worst words you can say to your children are, "When I was your age ..." You were never their age. You were older in the womb.
Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.
I am proud to be an American. Because an American can eat anything on the face of this earth as long as he has two pieces of bread.
I can tell you, from experience, that whoever said "Children and fools cannot lie" was one or the other himself. There`s only one way to guarantee that your children are telling the truth: limit your questions to the names of their schools.
A new father quickly learns that his child invariably comes to the bathroom at precisely the times when he's in there, as if he needed company. The only way for this father to be certain of bathroom privacy is to shave at the gas station.
A baseball manager has learned a lot about his job from having played the game, but a parent has not learned a thing from having once been a child.
Raising children is an incredibly hard and risky business in which no cumulative wisdom is gained: each generation repeats the mistakes the previous one made.
As I have discovered by examining my past, I started out as a child. Coincidentally, so did my brother. My mother did not put all her eggs in one basket, so to speak: she gave me a younger brother named Russell, who taught me what was meant by survival of the fittest.