Quotes & Jokes by Bill Cosby / page 7
You also notice that the right side of your face feels like it's sliding off of your skull. And your bottom lip is in your lap!
A person that is going to go out and get so drunk that you're going to get sick is just an<br /> all-time dumb person.
Look, I'm not going to put pressure on the boy. If he's good... Great. If he's bad... If he quits, he's dead.
You go and you buy a lottery ticket. You've got just as much chance of getting struck by lightning as you do of winning the lottery.
My children think my mother is the most wonderful woman on the face of the Earth. And I keep telling my children, “That’s not the same woman I grew up with. You’re looking at an old person who’s trying to get into heaven now.”
I was told maybe nine years ago by an executive who was working for a major network that the networks from now on are going to be entertaining 13-year-old people, and that's what you see today.
People will frighten you about a graduation...They use words you don't hear often... "And we wish you Godspeed." It is a warning, Godpeed. It means you are no longer welcome here at these prices.
My mother was an authority on pigsties. This is the worst looking pigsty I've ever seen in my life.
It is a point of pride for the American male to keep the same size jockey shorts for his entire life.
If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.
My grandpa didn't believe in hugging and kissing, or saying "I love you." His love had to do with the way he treated you. When he said, "We're going here, we're going there," he was telling me about life. That was his love for me. My love for him was listening to what he said, keeping out of trouble, doing right, being fair.
People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what's bitter and move on.