Quotes & Jokes by Bill Cosby / page 7
A new father quickly learns that his child invariably comes to the bathroom at precisely the times when he's in there, as if he needed company. The only way for this father to be certain of bathroom privacy is to shave at the gas station.
You can never give complete authority and overall power to anyone until trust can be proven.
It is a point of pride for the American male to keep the same size jockey shorts for his entire life.
People will frighten you about a graduation...They use words you don't hear often... "And we wish you Godspeed." It is a warning, Godpeed. It means you are no longer welcome here at these prices.
My children think my mother is the most wonderful woman on the face of the Earth. And I keep telling my children, “That’s not the same woman I grew up with. You’re looking at an old person who’s trying to get into heaven now.”
Anyone can dabble, but once you've made that commitment, your blood has that particular thing in it, and it's very hard for people to stop you.
You also notice that the right side of your face feels like it's sliding off of your skull. And your bottom lip is in your lap!
A person that is going to go out and get so drunk that you're going to get sick is just an<br /> all-time dumb person.
My mother was an authority on pigsties. This is the worst looking pigsty I've ever seen in my life.
People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what's bitter and move on.
Try to be rational? I'll tell you how rational I can be. I hope that he goes out into the wilderness and gets poision ivy, and comes back and I have to treat him then he will find out how much sick people get charged.
You go and you buy a lottery ticket. You've got just as much chance of getting struck by lightning as you do of winning the lottery.