Quotes & Jokes by Bill Cosby / page 8

Try to be rational? I'll tell you how rational I can be. I hope that he goes out into the wilderness and gets poision ivy, and comes back and I have to treat him then he will find out how much sick people get charged.

Old is always fifteen years from now.

Nobody ever says, "Can I have your beets?"

You go and you buy a lottery ticket. You've got just as much chance of getting struck by lightning as you do of winning the lottery.

After you take off your coats, go to sleep... Then in the morning I'll take you all home.

If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.

One of the great mistakes that can be made by a man of my age is to get involved in athletic competition with children - unless, of course, they are under six. And even then, stay away from hide-and-seek.

Men and women belong to different species and communications between them is still in its infancy.

This happened to the people. The Constitution says "of the people, by the people, for the people"... but the people who got the office, got into office and forgot about the people.

Have you ever had a cookie? Then you won't get any here either.

One of the beauties of watching our show is that, really and truly, it remains fresh because you're dealing with human beings and their behavior.

Take that money and build something you can see... something for the children.

But if that's what you want to be, that's what you will be - as long as you study.

That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle the Vatican has overlooked.

Did you ever see the customers in health-food stores? They are pale, skinny people who look half dead. In a steak house, you see robust, ruddy people. They're dying, of course, but they look terrific.