Quotes & Jokes by Bo Burnham / page 5

And two balls minus one, six titles at the tour de France.

What's important is that you stay true to yourself. Because when you enter the real world, the most valuable thing you can bring is all your you-ness. The world doesn't need any more hot chicks or tough guys or smooth talkers - the world needs more you. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

When life give you lemons... you probably just found lemons.

Was Einstein's theory good? Relatively.

Bitches and hoes don't exist because the hoes know Bo's a feminist.

My whole family thinks I'm gay, I guess it's always been that way. Maybe it's 'cause of the way that I walk, Makes them think I like... boys.

All you god damn dirty Catholics can cath-o-lick my balls.

The average person has one fallopian tube.

People ask me all the time, all the time, they say the same exact thing. They say, "Bo, you’re an artist… how do we fix Africa?"

I actually wrestled in high school. I was only in one match, and I lost... my virginity.

We’re having a traditional Thanksgiving - turkey, mashed potatoes, hat buckles, smallpox, genocide, a blue corn moon, etc.

I always wanted to be a comedian and actor, I basically stumbled into the music medium, though. I'm OK, but that's about it. I like to think I'm good enough not to negatively affect the performance.

If your belief is hateful towards people, I couldn’t respect that.

What's that? My six song album entitled "Bo Fo Sho" is currently available on iTunes? With three songs that have never been heard on the internet? Uh, and if I try to pirate it for free I'll get AIDS? I would have guessed scurvy. Well, see you later ghost of Dr.Martin Luther King Jr.

You guys like impressions? Why?