Quotes & Jokes by Bob Hope / page 4

I'll tell 'ya how to stay young: Hang around with older people.

Most of the people who came for dancing lessons had Rumba ambitions and minuet bodies.

When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things - not the great occasions - that in retrospect give off the greatest glow of happiness.

Congress may be going home for the holidays soon. How can you beat a Christmas gift like that?

Remember me? The Macaulay Culkin of 1927.

If you haven't got any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.

I see the Beatles have arrived from England. They were 40 pounds overweight - and that was just their hair.

I was lucky I wasn't a better boxer, or that's what I'd be now - a punchy ex-pug.

Welcome to the Academy Awards - or as it`s known at my house, Passover.

I don't know if the presidential candidates are running for the White House or Animal House.

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.

If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.

I have too much money invested in sweaters.

My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar - I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty-one.

It gave dirty politics a bad name.