Quotes & Jokes by Bob Hope / page 4

I'll tell 'ya how to stay young: Hang around with older people.

Remember me? The Macaulay Culkin of 1927.

Most of the people who came for dancing lessons had Rumba ambitions and minuet bodies.

If you haven't got any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.

When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things - not the great occasions - that in retrospect give off the greatest glow of happiness.

I was lucky I wasn't a better boxer, or that's what I'd be now - a punchy ex-pug.

I see the Beatles have arrived from England. They were 40 pounds overweight - and that was just their hair.

Congress may be going home for the holidays soon. How can you beat a Christmas gift like that?

I don't know if the presidential candidates are running for the White House or Animal House.

Welcome to the Academy Awards - or as it`s known at my house, Passover.

If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.

My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar - I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty-one.

I have too much money invested in sweaters.

I've always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there.