Quotes & Jokes by Bob Hope / page 4
Over the years, I have been subjected to many indignities, all for the sake of Art. If I ever catch him, I'm going to kill the guy.
Congress may be going home for the holidays soon. How can you beat a Christmas gift like that?
Most of the people who came for dancing lessons had Rumba ambitions and minuet bodies.
When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things - not the great occasions - that in retrospect give off the greatest glow of happiness.
The program is nearly over! I can feel the audience is still with me but if I run faster I can shake them off.
They said I was worth $500 million. If I was worth that much, I wouldn't have visited Vietnam, I'd have sent for it.
I was lucky I wasn't a better boxer, or that's what I'd be now - a punchy ex-pug.
I see the Beatles have arrived from England. They were 40 pounds overweight - and that was just their hair.
Welcome to the Academy Awards - or as it`s known at my house, Passover.
The last time I played golf with President Ford he hit a birdie – and an eagle, a moose, an elk, an aardvark...