Quotes & Jokes by Bob Hope / page 4

I'll tell 'ya how to stay young: Hang around with older people.

Most of the people who came for dancing lessons had Rumba ambitions and minuet bodies.

Remember me? The Macaulay Culkin of 1927.

Congress may be going home for the holidays soon. How can you beat a Christmas gift like that?

When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things - not the great occasions - that in retrospect give off the greatest glow of happiness.

I see the Beatles have arrived from England. They were 40 pounds overweight - and that was just their hair.

If you haven't got any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.

I was lucky I wasn't a better boxer, or that's what I'd be now - a punchy ex-pug.

I don't know if the presidential candidates are running for the White House or Animal House.

Welcome to the Academy Awards - or as it`s known at my house, Passover.

If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.

I have too much money invested in sweaters.

My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar - I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty-one.

It gave dirty politics a bad name.