Quotes & Jokes by Bob Hope / page 6

I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.

I left England when I was four because I found out I could never be King.

When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage - he shot both his parents and moved in.

The home videos aren't as good, but they are seeming to get better.

It sure has been a pleasure for us to broadcast for the sailors and soldiers; besides, its part of the National Defence Program to prepare our boys for anything.

If I'm on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God wants to play through, let him.

I was on the way to my hotel, and I passed a hotel going in the opposite direction.

He hits the ball 130 yards and his jewelry goes 150.

I've got to watch myself these days. It's too exciting watching anyone else.

I led such a sheltered life I didn't go out with girls until I was almost four.

Zsa Zsa Gabor got married as a one-off, and it was so successful she turned it into a series.

You never get tired unless you stop and take time for it.

The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup.

I don't know what people have against Jimmy Carter. He's done nothing.

I ruined my hands in the ring ... the referee kept stepping on them.