Quotes & Jokes by Bob Hope / page 6

If I'm on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God wants to play through, let him.

It sure has been a pleasure for us to broadcast for the sailors and soldiers; besides, its part of the National Defence Program to prepare our boys for anything.

The home videos aren't as good, but they are seeming to get better.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

Zsa Zsa Gabor got married as a one-off, and it was so successful she turned it into a series.

He hits the ball 130 yards and his jewelry goes 150.

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.

I was on the way to my hotel, and I passed a hotel going in the opposite direction.

I led such a sheltered life I didn't go out with girls until I was almost four.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

I ruined my hands in the ring ... the referee kept stepping on them.

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

Today's ballroom dances like the swim, the frug, the chicken and the monkey are really nervous disorders set to music.

I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.