Quotes & Jokes by Bob Hope / page 6

122 quotes

It sure has been a pleasure for us to broadcast for the sailors and soldiers; besides, its part of the National Defence Program to prepare our boys for anything.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

If I'm on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God wants to play through, let him.

When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage - he shot both his parents and moved in.

He hits the ball 130 yards and his jewelry goes 150.

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

Zsa Zsa Gabor got married as a one-off, and it was so successful she turned it into a series.

Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.

I was on the way to my hotel, and I passed a hotel going in the opposite direction.

I led such a sheltered life I didn't go out with girls until I was almost four.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

I ruined my hands in the ring ... the referee kept stepping on them.

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

Your ignorance cramps my conversation.

I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.