Quotes & Jokes by Dave Chappelle / page 4

I don't like letting my friends drive drunk, but I was smoking a joint I really couldn't say shit to the guy.

The hardest thing to do is to be true to yourself, especially when everybody is watching.

What did the five fingers say to the face? SLAP!!!!

I was doing sketches that were funny but socially irresponsible. I felt I was deliberately being encouraged and I was overwhelmed.

I love being famous - it's phenomenal.

You can become famous but you can't become unfamous. You can become infamous but not unfamous.

I'm Dave Chappelle and I'm a chronic masturbator.

The worst thing to call somebody is crazy. It's dismissive.

I don't normally talk about my religion publicly because I don't want people to associate me and my flaws with this beautiful thing. And I believe it is beautiful if you learn it the right way.

My wife asked me once if I weren't a comedian what I would do. I couldn't answer the question. I never imagined doing anything else.

You know you must be doing something right if old people like you.

I'm off to the gym. Replacing good character with good looks is a cornerstone of my comeback stratagem.

After a while, a joke, if you say it too much, just becomes contrived, or fake-sounding.

I got real important relationships in my life that are very empowering relationships.

I love my jokes.