Quotes & Jokes by Dave Chappelle / page 4

What did the five fingers say to the face? SLAP!!!!

I don't like letting my friends drive drunk, but I was smoking a joint I really couldn't say shit to the guy.

The hardest thing to do is to be true to yourself, especially when everybody is watching.

I'm Dave Chappelle and I'm a chronic masturbator.

I was doing sketches that were funny but socially irresponsible. I felt I was deliberately being encouraged and I was overwhelmed.

I love being famous - it's phenomenal.

You can become famous but you can't become unfamous. You can become infamous but not unfamous.

The worst thing to call somebody is crazy. It's dismissive.

I don't normally talk about my religion publicly because I don't want people to associate me and my flaws with this beautiful thing. And I believe it is beautiful if you learn it the right way.

My wife asked me once if I weren't a comedian what I would do. I couldn't answer the question. I never imagined doing anything else.

You know you must be doing something right if old people like you.

I got real important relationships in my life that are very empowering relationships.

After a while, a joke, if you say it too much, just becomes contrived, or fake-sounding.

I'm off to the gym. Replacing good character with good looks is a cornerstone of my comeback stratagem.

Comedy is a very approval-oriented field.