Quotes & Jokes by David Letterman / page 11
Krispy Kreme Doughnuts, everybody loves them. But I thought this was interesting on the box, 'Konsult Kardiologist.'
This is TV the way it's supposed to be, ain't it? Let's try on jackets. It's fun!
I love autumn in New York City: The yellows, the browns, and the rust - and that’s just the drinking water... Here in New York City, the leaves turn - and run.
Fall is my favourite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change colour and fall from the trees.
I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.
The Security and Exchanges Commission is going to be investigating Vice President Dick Cheney. They'll begin that investigation as soon as Congress finishes investigating the Security and Exchanges Commission.
Incredible experience, watching a baby birth on the internet. It's now my screensaver.
Ted Kennedy is endorsing John Kerry and I'm wondering, do you really want the endorsement of a guy with a Bloody Mary mustache?
The Catholic Church has a tough new policy on child molestors: three strikes and you're a cardinal.
And now the really difficult part: We have to rebuild Iraq into a strong and independent nation that will one day hate the United States.
There's only one requirement of any of us, and that is to be courageous. Because courage, as you might know, defines all other human behaviour. And, I believe - because I've done a little of this myself - pretending to be courageous is just as good as the real thing.
We make a lot of fun at President Clinton's expense. But this transition is going to be tough because it's been 25 years since this guy has gotten laid in the private sector.
Because you think an explosion has taken place and you're looking at the shards and you say, 'Well, can we put this back together?' And by God, maybe you can put it back together. And maybe it won't be the same, but maybe it will be different, and maybe it can even be better in a different way.