Quotes & Jokes by David Letterman / page 11
The Security and Exchanges Commission is going to be investigating Vice President Dick Cheney. They'll begin that investigation as soon as Congress finishes investigating the Security and Exchanges Commission.
Fall is my favourite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change colour and fall from the trees.
I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.
Ted Kennedy is endorsing John Kerry and I'm wondering, do you really want the endorsement of a guy with a Bloody Mary mustache?
This is TV the way it's supposed to be, ain't it? Let's try on jackets. It's fun!
Boys and girls, maybe you should stay in the house if you're having trouble with the phrases 'hot' and 'tasty.'
I love autumn in New York City: The yellows, the browns, and the rust - and that’s just the drinking water... Here in New York City, the leaves turn - and run.
The Catholic Church has a tough new policy on child molestors: three strikes and you're a cardinal.
Incredible experience, watching a baby birth on the internet. It's now my screensaver.
And now the really difficult part: We have to rebuild Iraq into a strong and independent nation that will one day hate the United States.
President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can't pronounce Schwarzenegger.
It's so warm now, and Thanksgiving came so early - is it just me, or does it not really feel like Ramadan?
There's only one requirement of any of us, and that is to be courageous. Because courage, as you might know, defines all other human behaviour. And, I believe - because I've done a little of this myself - pretending to be courageous is just as good as the real thing.