Quotes & Jokes by David Letterman / page 6
In the debate Bush appeared confident, he appeared relaxed, he appeared calm. That's right, he's drinking again.
Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.
A woman in Buffalo set a new world record for eating 183 buffalo wings. I don’t think there will be a second date.
President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?
Here's a little known fact - Arnold is the first body builder to run for governor since Janet Reno.
President Obama went to India, South Korea, then Japan. He's going to keep travelling until he finds his birth certificate.
There is a new billboard outside Time Square. It keeps an up-to minute count of gun-related crimes in New York. Some goofball is going to shoot someone just to see the numbers move.
Gays are now allowed to serve openly in the military. So maybe our next war could be a musical.
That's the first thing they teach you in bowling, by the way. Don't press the ball against your nose. The other one is don't lick the pins.
Iraqi's minister of information did not show up for his press conference today. However, he claims he was there and he said it went very well.
The big debate right now is if Saddam is alive or dead. He's dead, then he's alive, then dead, then alive. It's just confusing. Today they showed videotape, and Saddam was speaking at his own funeral.