Quotes & Jokes by David Spade / page 6

I wish I had that carefree lifestyle. But I guess I'm more private, and more inside.

I've been with a beautiful girl from time to time.

Don't make your kids look hot and dirty and sexy when they're 5-years old! It's really not the place or the time. You're about 11 years early.

The last girl I went out with blew me off. Now I call her with lame excuses to see her, “Hey, did I leave a penny over there?”

I wouldn't do this if I didn't like it.

It's just easier to make fun and cut down. It's kind of a way of life in America. If you can make people want to hear what you're going to say, it can be cruel and funny.

I have no stories to sell. A lot of my relationships are with civilians, and no one wants to hear about those.

Bill Murray I always liked. I'm not as good as him, but there's a quality in him that I like. And then there's DeNiro, I'll never be that.

I've had it where things didn't go well for me with movies or something that got canceled.

It's great to tell people you have your own show, but that's where the fun stops.

I don't like throwing myself in a place that's going to rock my world.

It's hard to have a career.

Hopefully, underlying all my jokes is an element of surprise.

Sometimes when I watch a TV season, your favorite shows die quickly. And then sometimes it's not your favorite, and they live on for 12 years.

I got into stand-up to get on a sitcom.