Quotes & Jokes by David Spade / page 6

As boys get older, they can't let on that it's cool to meet me.

I wouldn't do this if I didn't like it.

I have no stories to sell. A lot of my relationships are with civilians, and no one wants to hear about those.

Don't make your kids look hot and dirty and sexy when they're 5-years old! It's really not the place or the time. You're about 11 years early.

The last girl I went out with blew me off. Now I call her with lame excuses to see her, “Hey, did I leave a penny over there?”

It's just easier to make fun and cut down. It's kind of a way of life in America. If you can make people want to hear what you're going to say, it can be cruel and funny.

I've been with a beautiful girl from time to time.

Bill Murray I always liked. I'm not as good as him, but there's a quality in him that I like. And then there's DeNiro, I'll never be that.

It's hard to have a career.

It's great to tell people you have your own show, but that's where the fun stops.

I've had it where things didn't go well for me with movies or something that got canceled.

I don't like throwing myself in a place that's going to rock my world.

I got into stand-up to get on a sitcom.

Hopefully, underlying all my jokes is an element of surprise.

Sometimes when I watch a TV season, your favorite shows die quickly. And then sometimes it's not your favorite, and they live on for 12 years.