Quotes & Jokes by David Spade / page 6

As boys get older, they can't let on that it's cool to meet me.

The last girl I went out with blew me off. Now I call her with lame excuses to see her, “Hey, did I leave a penny over there?”

I wish I had that carefree lifestyle. But I guess I'm more private, and more inside.

I've had it where things didn't go well for me with movies or something that got canceled.

I wouldn't do this if I didn't like it.

I've been with a beautiful girl from time to time.

Bill Murray I always liked. I'm not as good as him, but there's a quality in him that I like. And then there's DeNiro, I'll never be that.

It's just easier to make fun and cut down. It's kind of a way of life in America. If you can make people want to hear what you're going to say, it can be cruel and funny.

I have no stories to sell. A lot of my relationships are with civilians, and no one wants to hear about those.

It's great to tell people you have your own show, but that's where the fun stops.

It's hard to have a career.

I don't like throwing myself in a place that's going to rock my world.

Sometimes when I watch a TV season, your favorite shows die quickly. And then sometimes it's not your favorite, and they live on for 12 years.

Hopefully, underlying all my jokes is an element of surprise.

I got into stand-up to get on a sitcom.