Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 10

307 quotes

Did you hear what he said before he was elected? He goes, 'I'm going to go through the national budget, line by line, and I'm going to cut out everything we don't need.' Did you see the inauguration? They flew out his high school marching band from Hawaii. Maybe it's me, but shouldn't 30 Hawaiian tuba players be somewhere near the top of the 'Shit We Don't Need' column in the national budget?

Trannies dress up like women, then try to bang straight guys. They're the adrenaline junkies of gayness.

I'm passionate about gay rights, but I think we need admit that there are some gay wrongs as well.

I spend so much time alone that whenever I see my shadow I feel crowded.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Fake titties are inversely proportioned to their owners level of self esteem. This being said, part of me loves them.

How can there not already be a rapper named 'O'pinion'?

You think you have anger issues? I just yelled at a sandwich. Not kidding.

Most people that commit to a life of celibacy weren't leaving that much on the table in the first place.

I think you're retarded, and not in the cute way.

When rappers call each other "son" it leads me to believe they don't take fatherhood very seriously.

I don't know if it's the economy, but finding work as a spiritual guru is really hard. Maybe I should grow my hair out.

Perhaps being hated in the right way is preferable to being loved in the wrong one.

Latin women enjoy being women more than other women.

Is it cynical to assume that anyone smiling is a liar and a criminal?