Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 10

Sex is for sissies. Real men are into auto-erotic asphyxiation.

Fear can be a great motivator, just not during foreplay.

I'm passionate about gay rights, but I think we need admit that there are some gay wrongs as well.

Being a white supremacist is like getting into porn. At some point you gotta be like, "what the fuck was I thinking?"

I think you're retarded, and not in the cute way.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

Nature's beauty never fails to fill me with a sense of wonder and awe, and still, I refuse to go camping.

My bedroom is so messy, if I died of natural causes, the cops would be like "no he didn't, clearly there was a struggle".

How can there not already be a rapper named 'O'pinion'?

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

When cornered, a rattle snake can become so angry it's been known to bite itself, which is exactly how I feel in traffic and relationships.

You think you have anger issues? I just yelled at a sandwich. Not kidding.

Most people that commit to a life of celibacy weren't leaving that much on the table in the first place.

I spend so much time alone that whenever I see my shadow I feel crowded.

When rappers call each other "son" it leads me to believe they don't take fatherhood very seriously.