Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 10

Perhaps depression is a perfectly natural reaction to the human condition.

Perhaps being hated in the right way is preferable to being loved in the wrong one.

Did you hear what he said before he was elected? He goes, 'I'm going to go through the national budget, line by line, and I'm going to cut out everything we don't need.' Did you see the inauguration? They flew out his high school marching band from Hawaii. Maybe it's me, but shouldn't 30 Hawaiian tuba players be somewhere near the top of the 'Shit We Don't Need' column in the national budget?

Someday I'd like to be a father, not of a human child, but something more reasonable.

You think you have anger issues? I just yelled at a sandwich. Not kidding.

I think you're retarded, and not in the cute way.

To understand one's self is to understand all of humanity, unless you're like my friend Mike, he's a fuckin' idiot.

I spend so much time alone that whenever I see my shadow I feel crowded.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Being a white supremacist is like getting into porn. At some point you gotta be like, "what the fuck was I thinking?"

I'm passionate about gay rights, but I think we need admit that there are some gay wrongs as well.

When rappers call each other "son" it leads me to believe they don't take fatherhood very seriously.

Why hasn't anyone opened a night club named 'No Drugs Allowed, Wink, Wink'?

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.