Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff / page 10

Someday I'd like to be a father, not of a human child, but something more reasonable.

You think you have anger issues? I just yelled at a sandwich. Not kidding.

Perhaps being hated in the right way is preferable to being loved in the wrong one.

I think you're retarded, and not in the cute way.

Being a white supremacist is like getting into porn. At some point you gotta be like, "what the fuck was I thinking?"

I'm passionate about gay rights, but I think we need admit that there are some gay wrongs as well.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

When rappers call each other "son" it leads me to believe they don't take fatherhood very seriously.

I spend so much time alone that whenever I see my shadow I feel crowded.

Perhaps depression is a perfectly natural reaction to the human condition.

Nature's beauty never fails to fill me with a sense of wonder and awe, and still, I refuse to go camping.

When cornered, a rattle snake can become so angry it's been known to bite itself, which is exactly how I feel in traffic and relationships.

How can there not already be a rapper named 'O'pinion'?

My bedroom is so messy, if I died of natural causes, the cops would be like "no he didn't, clearly there was a struggle".